I don’t know about you, but whenever I start to think to myself,
“Hey Genevieve, you are doing pretty good right now, you are doing the thing, putting in the time, doing the work, you’ve got this”.
That is the moment that I stumble, trip and fall flat on my face in a BIG way.
This has happened a few times in the last couple of years. I mean not normal mess ups, bad attitude, poor sleep, cranky behavior. The kind of behavior that is completely uncharacteristic of my natural tendencies and I suddenly feel like a stranger in my own mind. The funny and ironic thing is that it always seems to happen when I’m in a growth phase.
I am a big believer in personal growth and introspection. I get so excited about personal growth, how I can better myself and help others better themselves as well. What can I learn and implement to help me be better tomorrow than I am today. What do I have to offer others. I am always looking for motivation and inspiration. It is my goal to have a positive mindset, to see the glass half full and to always give the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, this seems to be where I often fall short.
This last weekend I failed miserably. I was terrible and I’m so embarrassed to admit it, but I was the absolute worst version of myself. All of the ugliness that exists inside of me rose up and poured out. Yes, there were triggers that got me there, but that in no way is any excuse for my behavior.
The Why and The Who really aren’t as important as this…they forgave me. When I was semi rational again I found some semblance of humility, I was able to calm myself enough to explain my perception of the situation, but also to apologize. Believe me, there are no words big enough or grand enough to properly apologize for my behavior, but I tried with what simple words I could find and you know what, the casualty of my behavior forgave me. They forgave me and they moved on, they did not hold my hostility against me.
I am so thankful they forgave me. Even in my moment of humility I did not deserve the forgiveness, but I’m so glad to have it and I will gladly claim it as mine. I am also so glad that I was able to find the humility inside myself to admit my wrong doing and ask for forgiveness. If I hadn’t approached and asked for forgiveness in humility I would not have received it.
We all make mistakes, we all act out and have moments of bad behavior. We all need forgiveness sometimes, it reminds us that we are human and fallible. When we ask for forgiveness it honors those that we hurt or offend. Forgiveness has the power to restore our relationship, deepen it even. Forgiveness gives us hope.
In the future I would like to believe that I will be quick to offer forgiveness to someone else when I am on the receiving end of this behavior, I can only hope to give this kind of grace. I am so thankful to have received it myself.